A Bluth Family Guide to Five Points

I don’t know if this is awesome, or an issue.  All I know is that it exists, and I have to deal with it for one more week.  The lead pastor at Five Points Community Church is a hybrid of 3 different people:

• Ed Cordry, former Daily Show Correspondent
• Buster Bluth, from Arrested Development
• Tobias Funke, from Arrested Development

Hearing a Pastor talking about reflecting the glory we receive to God, while throwing hand motions similar to Buster describing a seal attack mixed with the facial expressions of Tobias discussing his career as an analrapist, and Ed Cordry calling bullshit on a politicians enhances the message with—what I’m sure are unintended consequences—hilarious references and connotations.  The first unintended consequence was me spending the first 15 minutes (which was actually his opening prayer) trying to figure out who he reminded me of.  By the time we started the sermon, I then had to prevent myself from breaking out into fits of laughter for the remaining 45 minutes.  Oh, and did I mention I was late?

I decided to test the “reacting to a newcomer” strategy employed by Sean.  Kensington was a little big to expect any reaction, and Cranbrook to formal and regimented to get much reaction.  Five Points seemed the ideal place to start; they partake in a classic American Church Tradition of meeting in the gym and all just kind of awkwardly chilling until the service starts.  However, Awesome Project Tip: Wake up on time to get the Church.  It does a few things, you can observe and interact with the congregation easier and you also don’t have to guess where they hold the service.  Here’s another Awesome Project Tip: When you’re late and have no idea where to go, follow the off-key singing.  Works every time.

Five Points Community has an odd vibe to it; they meet in a gym, have a choir, and a modern-esque worship band.  The congregation is a mix of people in jeans and suits, a hopeful message with the odd punctuation of the world will end and the Rapture will happen.  To put it in snarky, cynical terms: “Yay! Pretty flowers! OMFG! Nuclear bomb!”  Except you’re happy about the nuke.  The pastor talked about a topic I agree with—praising God in public—but he stopped short of talking about how we should do that.  His only mention of it was, “Thank the Lord in public (Tobias light bulb face) it’s the best way to witness! (Buster hand movement) Even if people look at you oddly, (Ed Cordry STFU face) they’ll know you love the Lord!”  Here’s the problem: it’s annoying.  We all know that Christian, the one who thanks God for every-freaking-thing.  It comes across as shallow and we all roll our eyes.  So, what’s an effective way of showing praise to the Lord?  I think it should be acts—volunteering, helping others, and loving the ignored.  Not randomly shouting out (Buster hand motion), “Thank you Jesus!” at the supermarket when the steaks are on sale.  That’s not God, that’s the manager.

The whole experience at Five Points was like their singing—a little off-key.  I don’t understand why we’re all happy for the end of the world.  Sure, the second coming is cool, but if we’re not meant to know how it’s gonna down, why bother with it?  Let’s focus on what we can do to deflect glory back to God (Tobias face and a Buster hand movement).  It’s one thing to preach it; it’s another to teach it (Buster hand movement).  If you’re gonna bring it up, don’t tie it into an Apocalyptic theology but let’s talk about the practical elements of what we can do to be effective.