Home > Church, Faith, God Project > Five Points Is Like A Gruesomely Mutilated Dead Baby…wait what?

Five Points Is Like A Gruesomely Mutilated Dead Baby…wait what?

I don’t even know where to begin this week.  No idea.  I mean I bailed right as Pastor Tobias started his closing prayer.  No promise of any off-key worship song could keep me in my seat.  So, I have no idea where to start.  So, this is what I have so far.

“Now the story of a Church that loved Armageddon and weird metaphors, and the one guy who had to sit through it.  This is The Awesome God Project.”

The day started weird when Pastor Tobias (not his real name) started his sermon with his usual (I assume) 15-minute pregame prayer.  He started out with some gruesome imagery:

“LORD! You know that the most heinous crime a person could commit would be to slaughter and mutilate an innocent new born!  LORD!  You know this horrific act, of killing a child, is an affront to you!”

Okay, I thought, we’re going for an abortion reference.  This’ll be interesting.  Then Pastor Tobias, took an interesting turn:

“JESUS! When you were born, to bring light to the world!”

Okay, I thought, I’m not that rusty on my Christmas story so I know Jesus wasn’t mutilated or murdered as a child.  But hey, I concluded, maybe he’s bringing up Herod ordering babies to be murdered because the King of the Jews had been born?  Sure, why not, it’s Advent.  Except, Pastor Tobias didn’t go there, he didn’t go anywhere discernible. He just talked about bringing light to the world, and praying for the missionaries the church sponsors, then ending with:

“JESUS!  When you were on the cross, you were mutilated and murdered!  LORD! You brought us light!”

What in the living fuck does that have to do with killing babies?  No, seriously, what in the flying fuck does that have to do with killing babies?  And to think, there was still 45 minutes left.  But at this point, there was no chance of me taking this seriously.  Not only was the killing baby metaphors filled with Tobias and Buster faces and hand movements but it had nothing to do with anything he later talked about.  Which was prophets, how Jesus was the Ultimate Prophet (totally unfair, he was God’s son, total nepotism) showing us God, and how no prophet since Moses was as “great spiritually” until Jesus showed up.  It’s possible I missed a point here, but the Pastor kept mentioning how the other prophets weren’t as cool.  They sucked, they didn’t believe, had empty lives, or some other shortcoming.  Nobody could top Moses except God himself.  I think the Pastor missed a great teaching moment here, we shouldn’t be disappointed the other Prophets sucked.  We should be happy.  They were the outcasts, the shunned, the ones who failed to follow the law and God still used them to talk to his people.  He used them to demonstrate what a life with God should be like.  He didn’t punish, he helped them, he taught them.  The message always is, “JESUS! Thank you!  For without you we’d be horrible people!”  Not, “JESUS!  Thank you!  Because we are sinners, whores, outcasts, and the shunned and your message is for us.”  Pastor Tobias went on to talk about the importance of following the law and Jesus’ teaching of grace.  And I cringed, I hate legalism.  I think it misses the point, I think it boils down our religion to easy to use steps.  Do this, and you’ll get in.  It makes everything a chore, and really, I think Christianity should be fun.  It’s work—it teaches a way of life that isn’t necessarily normal—but it shouldn’t be “do this, or die.”  After all, God used the emptiest people as his prophets.

  1. December 3, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    That last sentence drove the whole post home. I have more to say, but it pales in articulation.

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