Home > Church, Faith, God Project > Jesus is my boyfriend (Or, How to get laid the Christian way)

Jesus is my boyfriend (Or, How to get laid the Christian way)

Christian worship music has done a great service for many people, and not in the way you think. It’s helped thousands of people express their love for the object of their desire–a girl and/or boy. If you’re confused, you obviously never actually followed the worship leader’s instructions to “not just sing–but think of what the words really mean!” If you did you’d realize these are the perfect songs to sing to a crush. The sappy, head-over-heels, I have eyes for nobody but you, babe lyrics and incredibly simplistic music makes them perfect for anyone in a jam come Valentine’s Day and anniversary’s. Because nothing screams love more than vague lyrics about a more-or-less undefinable feeling.

What? Don’t believe me? Take a listen.

My brother Jordan, Honorary brother Stu, and I got together to showcase some of the best examples of the “Jesus is my boyfriend” genre. We had a one simple rule: only change words that referred to God, or a God Event specifically (Jesus, Lord, God, Creation, etc.). Some words were changed to match the rhyming scheme that had changed due to taking God out of song, but we kept it close to the original meaning as possible. On a couple of songs we didn’t have to change a damn thing.

Three observations that came out of this project:

  1. These songs are amazingly dirty when they are about a girl.
  2. These songs are amazingly bad when they are about a girl.
  3. How the hell are these songs popular?

So, for the romantically challenged coming up on an important relationship date, fear not, we got the out for you. Here are 7 “Jesus is your boyfriend” songs.

Better Is One Day
(There is a Song of Solomon inspired version [NSFW for you non-Christianese speaking people] of this that will remain unrecorded, but it’s bad.)

(Original: Better Is One Day)

(We had a little bit more fun with this one–it’s now about either (1) a cheating boyfriend, (2) a stalker girlfriend, or, (3) both.

(Original: No idea.)

(Billy Collins pretty much sums up why this type of writing sucks.)

(Original: Indescribable | The Reference to the Girl)

I Want To Know You
(We changed only a few words in this–possibly less than 5?)

(Original: I Want To Know You)

Let My Words Be Few
(Another we changed less than 5 words on)

(Original: Let My Words Be Few)

(Uh, yeah, we didn’t have to change anything on this but they got a little carried away at the end. In a hilarious way.)

(Original: Madly)

No One Like You
(Another one where we didn’t have to change much. Also notice the chord progression on this song.)

(Original: No One Like You)

So, grab a bouquet of flowers, your guitar, and go woo a girl in the sappiest way possible. Also possible to woo with these songs: your perception of Jesus.

  1. Stacy Mallard
    May 17, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Ok, the only one I don’t agree with in part is “Better Is One Day”. Not because I like it (I don’t really, but because I feel like it gets too repetitious and we don’t really have a ‘temple’ anymore so I feel like the imagery is a stretch to me. Not to mention I work at a church, so I tend to think of it as the equivalent of the ‘courts/dwelling place’ and I don’t want to spend every moment there! I know that’s not really what it’s referring to, but that’s where my crazy brain goes…). The one issue is that it’s biblical-taken almost word for word from Psalm 84. Which doesn’t mean it makes for great singing, but if you read the words in that context it looses the sappy, romantic implications.

    That said, I think Indescribable was a stretch too. But you could add one of my least favorites “Breathe” (‘and I am desperate for you. And I’m lost without you’).

    • May 18, 2010 at 12:24 am

      While “Better Is One Day” is taken from Psalms 84, it’s drawn from the sappiest parts of the Psalm, and leaves everything out that takes it beyond a “Jesus is my boyfriend” song. When we were tweaking the lyrics on this one it quickly became one of my least favorites. It’s so stupidly written (the repetition is only part of the problem).

      Indescribable to me is just like a really old, flowery poem. “You are like…Your love reminds me of…” Stu and I aren’t fans of the song. It’s just a badly written poem, something I assume was birthed from an exercise to teach kids about similes.

      Breathe was a finalist but I think I axed it because it was just too easy. And we already had a few of those. “Let My Words Be Few” being the best example in that category. There were a lot of songs we could’ve done, we may have to do a follow-up album. :-p

  2. Hope
    May 1, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    As an ex-worship team leader, I think you guys are freaking brilliant. I used to room with five other Christian girls who went totally ape for this kind of stuff.

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